But no matter how I twisted and turned my arguments to justify myself, I felt an increasing sense of discomfort. Unresolved grudges are like “the little foxes that eat the vine,” gradually causing a schism that deteriorates our relationship with God. I became aware of this separation, while I stubbornly continued to struggle with anger and bitterness. In the meanwhile, praying was a chore and my spiritual life seemed dead.

One day while I was sitting at the kitchen table thinking about my mother-in-law and how much I really disliked her, the thought of forgiving her passed through my mind. I decided that I wouldn’t forgive her. No, not again! In fact, I was sure I had no desire or reason to forgive her. At once, I had a clear impression in my mind of the Lord saying, “That’s your sin and you need to repent. It is not that you don’t “feel” like forgiving her, but that you don’t even want Me to give you the ability to forgive her. Your emotions aren’t the problem, your heart is. Your willingness to forgive is necessary first.” I realized then that true forgiveness is an act of the will, not an emotional choice.

I was deeply convicted and asked God for His forgiveness. Amazingly, my decision to let go of the hard feelings and resentment towards Mom immediately began to change my negative attitude towards her. A couple of weeks later, on Mother’s Day, after the church service, my youngest daughter asked if we could visit Granny on our way home. I had not seen Mom for weeks and didn’t know what to expect, but I knew I needed to make this effort.

To my surprise, not only was Mom very happy to see us, but she gave me a Mother’s Day card with money in it and sent us back to the house with cash gifts for both of her granddaughters as well as for her son.

From that time on my relationship with Mom continued to improve, and eventually grew into a deep and sincere love that was mutually affectionate.

I thought great what a good angle for a court case a case study that shows the effectiveness of the gospel in reforming prisioners. So I started the searchh for this study, in doing so I uncovered three additional studies that showed similar or positive results. As an example In April of 1997, with the full support of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice (TDCJ), Prison Fellowship Ministries (PFM) launched an unusual correctional experiment—a Faith-Based Pre-Release Program. It found 17.3% of people reoffended who were exposed to the gospel as opposed to 50% who left the Christian program. There were other studies also, all with positive results, showing the gospel was a positive influence on people. So these were sent to the people involved in the court case, where they were greatfully received.

Incodentially after I had found that web site I went into my prayer room opened my bible at random, and it opened to the story of David slaying goliath. So I knew God had answered my prayer. So days latter I went to myy nephews house where were wer just reading books on numbers and letters etc,, he got out his piccture bible and the story it opened to was the stoy of David and goliath. So again God confirmed he had answered my prayer.

That’s when i felt guilty about God saving me in the past I now for the past couple years i neglected him and did what i wanted. I was in my office in 10/14/2008, at 6:19. The lord showed me again my new mistakes. I felt so guilty for him showing me and family so much love and yet i still turned my back again so to say. I fell on my knees, asked for the deepest forgiveness and felt this “inexpressible joy” take over me. The very next day i witnessed his love and compassion for me. I has $5 in the bank i needed to pay $300 for my wife’s dental work. I received a random phone call that I was owed money and they came and paid me exactly $300. All of a sudden a project I was working on that seemed doomed took a total turn of action and ended up being the largest compensation i have ever had. I was going to look for another job the week after but thankfully the Lord provided for us. Imagine its 130 degrees outside, imagine running for 5 hours in that heat, and at the end of the day rolling around in mud and trash. Now imagine coming home and taking a long shower. That’s what I felt, God by showering me with his love, cleaned me and energized me times a million. Get on your knees now and confess out loud to the Lord your sins, you will never feel better afterwards.
In conclusion:
Through deep meditation and also speaking the word of God out loud, which has allot of power, and through the mercy of OUR creator, I am changed person. Silencing and nullifying any attack from evil, and looking to only put out goodness. I feel like I have become a source of energy for others, rather than bringing them down as i did in the past, i now have this positive energy and outlook the radiates in me,(holy Spirit). I have answer every time i get on my knees and ask and dont feel alone anymore. I can honestly close my eyes and feel the Lords angels around me and my family protecting us. I find myself singing Christian songs? That’s weird to me because I thought only nerdy people did that. But once you are blessed and overtaken by the Lords energy, everything is different. Its not easy though because you will constantly be attacked because of your faith. Maybe not by people you see but by the demonic powers that you don’t i.e. temptations or doubts. Those are the tools to bring you down, stay away from those. Don’t let this world and all its tv shows, news, peer pressure etc do its job and keep you away from your faith. The closer you allow yourself to God the more you will see its rewards.
Suggestions:
It was on this site I found the single most important piece of literature that helped overcome my fear of not being able to be successful and also strengthened my faith. Search for “DECLERATIONS OF FAITH FOR ABUNDANCE”. When i read this a few times it was good, but when i was suggested to fully relax my body and mind, and then read these powerful words out loud, I noticed great victories take place. I highly suggest it.
This site is an unbelievable blessing. Thank you lord for answering my prayers, for guiding me to this site which you used to help change my life. I give all the glory to you. You are the truth and there is nothing greater than the truth. Hallelujah.
UPDATE!!!!!!
I was postponing posting my testimony for about 2 years. One day before going home on a late day at work, something got me to actually post this online at christian-faith.com After 5 minutes from doing this, I received a phone call from my wife, crying and telling me that she was pregnant. This is after 1.5 years of trying to conceive. It gets better, The Lord blessed us with not just 1, but with TWIN baby girls!

If anyone would like more details or have any questions, I can always be reached by email at nomoreevil10@yahoo.com.

The following is a maze of events that will boggle the mind and, I hope, will reach many that are on the verge of giving up on life without God and without hope. One of the strongest things in the world is the human will. When we lose our will to live, we lose everything.

This is my story, a man who lost his will to live. In February 1975, my life was never to be the same again. But first I will give a brief summary of my life up until that time. I am the oldest of eight children, seven boys and one girl. We lived in Starboard, Maine until I was seven and then we moved to Bridgeport, Connecticut until I was twelve. Then we moved back to Starboard.

During my high school years, I began to drink and smoke cigarettes. I quit high school in my junior year. It wasn’t long before I received my draft notice from Uncle Sam. Two years were spent in the Army: one year in the States and one year in Vietnam. During this time I was drinking more and more. I was an alcoholic but I wouldn’t admit it. Alcohol will strip you of your self-esteem and will eventually destroy you.

When I was 22, I married a girl whose life was as troubled as mine. A year later, we had a baby girl. During this time I was a self-employed clam digger and made very little money. In the summer the money was good, but the winter months were very hard. There was never much food around, but I always made sure I had beer and cigarettes.

This brings me to February 1975; at which time my life took a very strange twist. How far will God go to save those that He has chosen? It is my hope and prayer that God will convince you that what He has done for me, He will do for you. When all your relatives and friends step out, God will step in!

One night in February, around nine o’clock, while I was lying in bed, a strange thing happened. I began having hot flashes through my head and my heart began racing out of control. My wife was in the living room at the time. I told her what was happening. My thought was, “I am going to die and I don’t want to.” We got in our car and went to my mother’s house. During this time my heart was still racing out of control. My mother called our family doctor in East Machias, Dr. Karl Larson. He told her that I should take two aspirin and go to bed. It was about one o’clock in the morning before my heart slowed down and began to beat normally.

After this, it was like I was living under a cloud of depression. I began not caring whether I lived or died. A short while later, I went on my last drunk. One morning, after drinking heavily the night before, I couldn’t believe what I saw in the mirror. It was like looking at an animal, and I said, “What are you? Some kind of animal or what? From then on, I drank no more booze, and began going to AA meetings. They kept telling me at AA that my life would get better, since I had quit drinking. Boy, were they wrong! I continued to remain depressed and nothing meant anything to me.

This went on for about six months. Then one day my mother said, “Why don’t you go to church with me tonight?” I always thought that church was for old ladies and people who had nothing else to do. Yet, my reply to her was, “Why not? I have tried everything else.”

The church my mother attended met in an old Grange Hall, and there were about 20 people there that night. The Pastor talked about Jesus, and said that Jesus could give anyone a brand new life. At the end of the service he asked if anyone would like to come down front and ask Jesus into his or her heart. At that time I went down front, got down on my knees and asked Jesus to come into my heart and give me a new life. When I got up I told the Pastor that I didn’t feel any different. He said, “Tom, you aren’t saved because you feel saved. You are saved by trusting in Jesus.” Hearing this made me feel much better. He also told me how the Holy Spirit would lead me and help me. The following morning I woke up FREE from alcohol!! I knew Jesus was real! As I layed in bed, I noticed two flies buzzing in the early morning sunlight, that was coming through our bedroom window, and for the first time in my life, I had peace!

About a week later, while lying in bed one night, I said, “Lord, I have made such a mess out of everything. Holy Spirit come in and take over.” At this time I heard a voice that said, “Jesus, in both ears. Directly following the voice was the sound of a jet plane cruising at 30,000 feet. It entered the top of my head and proceeded down, down, down. As it went down it felt like a syringe needle was being driven into my brain. It was very, very painful. After this experience, strange things began to happen. The depression got heavier and I began hearing and seeing different things. One night in church we were singing a hymn, and bar room music began playing in my head! I looked around, but I was the only one that heard it. It only lasted a few seconds and went away. Then once while I was reading the Bible, all the words went squiggly on me. On a different occasion, at night, I was almost asleep when someone or something screamed inside my head. Another night, while lying in bed, it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I lifted one arm and said, “Jesus – Lord!” The second I said Lord, it lifted. On another occasion, late one night, I heard something thrown hard, at the kitchen wall. Our bedroom door was partially open and there was a dim light in the hall. I knew that something was coming down the hall toward our room. Psalms 34:7 came to my mind, which says: The Angel of the Lord encamps around those that fear Him, and rescues them in time of trouble. I spoke this psalm out and said, “Stick your head out devil, and the Angel of the Lord will take care of you!”

At that moment I saw a shadow on the wall, and I spoke that psalm again. It disappeared and I fell asleep. I want to say here, that at no time did my wife hear or see anything. On yet another occasion, also at night, I was praying on my hands and knees, and I sensed little creatures come into my room and surround me. As I was praying, I could clearly see Jesus hanging on a cross, suspended in mid air. I was telling Him over and over how sorry I was for the rotten things I had done through my life. This continued until daylight, at which time the little creatures left.

Below our house there is a little island about as big as a football field. One can get to it by walking across a beach with water-worn rocks. One night I felt strongly led, to go to that little island, so down I went. There was no moon, and I could just barely make out the island. As I walked across the beach rocks, I could hear someone walking several yards behind me. When I stopped, it would stop. Who do I think it was? There was no doubt in my mind…it was the devil! I kept repeating Psalms 34:7, which I shared with you earlier. I went on the island and walked completely around it. Just before I walked back onto the beach, there was a big spruce tree, with branches hanging low, and at that moment, one branch just above my head, shook fiercely. I felt the hair stand up on my neck and I quoted Psalms 34:7 again. Once more Satan had confronted me, and I had stopped him by using the Word of God.

It was at this time that things got really crazy. I got up one morning, with the noise of that plane still in my head, feeling very depressed. I told my wife I was going to the store to get some milk, and that I would be right back. I lied to her. I had no intention of going to the store. I was going to my mother’s house and take a gun out of the closet and blow my head off. Demons were controlling my thinking.

When I got there, there was no one home. As I got out of the car, I looked up and the sky was filled with planes. Car horns were honking all over town and I could hear sonic booms going off everywhere. I said to myself, “This is it. It is the end or the world. It is all over.”

I went into the house and got the key to the gun closet, but the key wouldn’t work. I drew back my fist and was about to break the glass when the Lord touched me. I began to cry and say, “What will my mother think if she finds me laying in a pool of blood? And – I thought, “This would surely kill my wife.” The devil wanted me bad, but the Lord said, “NO!

I went back home and told my wife what had happened. I told her to get me an appointment with our doctor, so that he could get me into the mental hospital in Bangor, Maine. I told her that I had to do this because I was afraid of what I would do to myself. We went to the doctor and I explained what was going on. At that time he made arrangements with the mental hospital. About half way to the hospital, I began to go numb all over and I was losing my memory. We were close to a regular hospital and I told my wife to get me there quick! We went to the emergency room and I explained my troubles to the doctor. I told him that I thought my brain was going to be crushed, due to the tremendous pressure upon it. I told him we were on our way to the mental hospital in Bangor. He told me that there was nothing he could do and that I should go to the mental hospital in Bangor.

When we got there, I signed myself in. They led me upstairs to one of the wards and assured me that a doctor would come soon and give me a shot. They told me that he should be here at any moment. I really thank the Lord that He held the doctor up, because if he had given me that shot, I would probably still be there.

A couple of hours later, I began to go numb again, and I felt the plane inside my head was going to leave and take me with it. I gave away all my money and all my cigarettes. At this point, even the patients thought I was crazy! I wrote a note to my wife saying that I wanted her to marry a Christian guy and raise the kids in a Christian home. I had no idea that the Lord had me in mind for that.

“Where is she,” I kept asking myself, “why doesn’t she come?” In those places the doors lock as soon as you enter. When someone came in, I grabbed the door and hurried out to find my wife. My body was still numb and I kept thinking the plane was ready to leave, but I had to say goodbye to my wife.

Her mother lived about two miles from there and I hoped that she would be there. With every step it felt like I would collapse in the gutter. As soon as I reached my mother-in-law’s, I explained what had happened. I began to pray, and had a picture of the Lord in my mind. The plane fired a missile and shot the picture out of my mind. Then I went ice cold.

I told my wife that I didn’t love her or anyone. There was no love in me, whatsoever! We began to sing that song that Kris Kristoferson wrote, “Why Me Lord?” At that moment I said, “Devil, if you are going to get me, I am going down singing praises to God!”

That night my Pastor came up and got us and took us home. He kept telling me to trust the Lord and to stand on His promises in His Word. On the way home I could hear cars racing around us and squealing their tires and cats calling at me. No one heard this but me.

A few days later my mom said, “Tom, I heard about a man on Beals Island that God has used in casting demons out of people.” I called him up and told him what was happening to me. He told me to read Psalms 103 over and over and to believe it. He said that he would be at my mother’s house at six o’clock.

He was quite a guy. The first thing he said when he came through the door was, “What’s for supper?” He asked me if I read Psalms 103. I told him that I had. He asked me if I believed it, and I assured him that I did. He told my mom and dad not to be scared, but that he was going to get loud. He laid his hands on my head and shouted, “In the name of Jesus Christ, come out of him!” I felt a stirring deep down inside of me. I could feel them tare at my neck as they came out. I knew then that I was free.

By the way, the Pastor ate supper with us and ate the biggest potato we had. My dad still jokes about him eating our biggest potato. He had a right to anything he wanted!

A few days later, while at home, I was praising the Lord, with my hands in the air, telling Him how much I loved Him and that I so wanted a touch from Him! At that moment a pitcher of pure love was poured down upon me and flowed through my whole body. All I could do was cry because I was so filled with love. I felt like I was going to be raptured out of this world, and I was truly ready to go.

Awhile later, while lying in bed, my wife looked at me and asked me what was wrong? I told her that fear was circling me and wanted to come back in, but the Lord said in Hebrews 13:5 that He would never leave me nor forsake me, and I told her that I believed it. Upon saying this, the fear left and has not returned.

Several weeks later my wife and I attended a concert at a local college. The singers were called the Continental Singers. They sang using voices and sign language. When we went in we had to go down a flight of stairs. After going down the stairs I told my wife that I could hear chains dragging down the stairs behind us. The devil wanted to chain me again. Yet during one of the songs, while we were all standing, with our arms stretched heavenward, I saw the most beautiful cross! It was 3-D and made up of perfect cubes. Each cube was a different color. It was the very heart of God, pulsating before my very eyes! With every thrust , it became brilliant!

It has not been easy over the past years, but the Word of God has not failed me once. Nor will it ever fail anyone that will but TRUST!