First of all, my initial salvation experience was May 2nd 1971 at Antioch Bible Baptist Church in Gladstone Missouri, at 18 years of age. This is the time I accepted Christ and was baptized in accordance to following Christ.

However, what followed was a very twisted road that eventually led me back to the one true God.

After accepting Christ, I never doubted who Christ was, although my life didn’t much reflect it. I had bouts of problems with alcohol, experimented with drugs, sex, had a bad marriage that ended in divorce and two children.

I would not say that God was the focus of my life at this point, but I began to start to try to “clean up” my life, as though any of us are actually able to do this on our own.

I eventually got a job, remarried a wonderful woman who had two children, and we had two more children, which made a total of six.

I considered my life ‘successful’. I did and said the right things, and became a ‘Christmas and Easter’ sort of Christian, attending church only for special events. My focus was my children and work, but not much about God. I did everything a ‘good’ man would do, (as if any of us are ‘good’). (See Romans 3:10)

Being a ‘good’ man included making sure my children would do the right things, including going to church, although I was still resistant to do so, and justified it because I was doing the ‘right’ things. I threw myself into my youngest sons lives. If they played baseball, I was their coach. When they joined scouting, I became their leader. (They both became Eagle Scouts). When they decided to play basketball, I became one their coaches. I worked extra so they could attend a ‘good Christian school’, believing this was the road for them to become ‘good’ men.

Sometimes God allows us to be deceived for a season to lead us back to Him, totally defeated in submission. ‘My plan’ was not God’s plan. (See Isaiah 55:8).

On Dec. 16, 1999, my youngest son, Kelly, age 17, perished along with two of his friends when the automobile he was a passenger in, collided with another car driven by a drunk driver. Six weeks later, his year older brother, Jeremy, died from a gunshot wound, the circumstances of which still remain a mystery today.
‘WHAT NOW LORD?’. I was devastated. I barely remember anything that mattered much in the year that followed. I was just completely dazed and confused. And angry, I wanted revenge. But whom should I be angry with? Myself? God? The person who was driving drunk? The people who could or should have prevented Jeremy’s accident? I was always such an orderly person, and this lack of order just made me crazy. Questions like, ‘Aren’t children supposed to outlive their parents?’ WHAT NOW LORD?

As time passed, the emptiness grew and grew, my questions grew and grew, until they were overwhelming to a point, I questioned my own sanity. What was the purpose, if any, of my life? How could I begin to cope with this loss? What about my family, my wife? Where was the hope? Where was there any relief?

We began to find ourselves retracing the boys lives, reliving the moments we shared with them, we would find ourselves driving past where they played basketball, their school, where they worked after school, I guess just looking for a way to stay connected to them. It was at church they both came to know Jesus, and followed Him in baptism, the only accomplishment that remains. We began to realize the importance and impact the love of church had on their lives, and just how little we had to do with it. In fact we were humbled at this point to understand just how little control we have over many major events in our lives. I should point out here, our underestimation of our simple obedience, and acts of love and kindness.

In the aftermath of their accidents, we began attending the church where they came to Christ, at first sporadically, then more and more regularly. For me it seemed the only place I could find any peace or reason to my crushed heart.

We sat and listened to the word of God and little by little, changes started occurring. The people of this church continued to pray and support us, we felt the love of this family, and we began to want to return this love. I can only begin to recount all of the saintly people who supported us with prayers and more. Scripture after scripture began to come alive in me. When I would begin to doubt, or worry, or any problem would come along, I began looking for the answer in God’s word.

My heart began crying out to God, and joy began to replace the emptiness. I began to find peace in praising Him. There was a song in my heart for God. I felt this overwhelming need to praise Him. He can work through those who praise Him. I had played the trumpet for many years, but never ever sang in a choir or church or much anywhere. I began playing trumpet for offertory, and began trying to sing in the choir. Imagine my horror when I was asked to LEAD the music. My first reaction was RUN! The spirits answer? "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." There began God’s work on my heart and a simple prayer. “God, I am a most unqualified, untrained, inept person in this area, but with your strength, your power and your guidance, let it begin in me.” And that simple act of obedience has changed my life. I’m not sure exactly when, peace entered my heart concerning the boys. I felt peace and forgiveness for all, including myself. I found many of the answers that once overwhelmed me. I found hope and THE purpose. Just knowing that my boys’ eternity is secure gives me the hope.

(John 10-28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. 29My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand.)

I have come to understand, the most important day on Earth is the day you take Jesus as your Savior and to be of assurance your heart can be right with God. I would never want there to be any doubt for someone. I couldn’t imagine facing another day, not knowing about Jeremy and Kelly’s eternal security. You see, they had great achievements in their short lives. There were honor student awards, athletic scholarships, both were Eagle scouts with palms, the highest honor in scouting, they were talented musically, there was no end to their potential. While by the world’s standards, these are high marks; in terms of eternity; it just won’t get you far.

(Psalms 73:25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.)

This scripture really spoke to me of how incredibly small we are compared with God. We might be well known or successful in this life, but at the end of the day, who have we in the universe but God, the creator of all things?

The thought of doing what I am doing right now, would have been terrifying just a few years ago. It just began with that question. Will you trust me? The overwhelming message to me from God is this: You need to act, no matter how terribly aware you are of how little you have to offer. When you say yes, it allows God to do the work and to manifest HIS POWER.
(2nd Corinthians 9 7Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 8And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.)
I am sure there are many talents among us laying in wait to be used for the furthering of God’s Kingdom. Maybe there is some here asking the question. What is my purpose? Maybe there is terror in a heart that hears God’s word speaking to them.

Say yes. Say yes to Jesus. You can never be wrong when you say yes to Jesus. Even when it makes no sense to you what He’s asking you to do. He never disappoints. Let Him demonstrate His power as you give your power up to Him. If you believe it’s Him calling you, follow Him. Let Him control the storms of your life.
He IS ABLE!
(Jeremiah 29- 11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.)
If there are others who hear the spirit calling them, maybe you feel like it’s a just a small thing. God will richly bless you and others. It’s the simple acts of faith He uses in a dramatic way. Maybe your calling is teaching, or helping a teenager having a rough time, or calling on someone who is shut in, or visiting the sick. Sending a reminder to someone to tell him or her they are loved. Just buying a few more moments for God’s spirit to move in their heart. Just an act of love can point the way. Here is the answer you’ve been looking for. It’s been here the whole time. It’s at the feet of Jesus. It’s what the disciples saw. "Truly you are the Son of God.” How will you fall down and worship him?

If there is a moving in your heart, let someone know. There are many, who will help you, whether it’s a matter of your salvation, or maybe you’re looking for a home church, or God is leading you in some special way. (James1: 22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.)

Let’s just pray that simple prayer.

Prayer: “God, I am a most unqualified, untrained, inept person in this area of the storms in my life, but with your strength, your power and your guidance, let it begin in me.
Dear Lord, thank you for dying on the cross. I realize that I am a sinner and can in no way save myself from sin’s penalty of death. Thank you for paying it for me to secure my forgiveness and for rising again to give me new and eternal life. Amen.”

Lee Watkins
4432 N Cypress Ave
Kansas City, MO

e-mail: Watmanmus@kc.rr.com
Subject: Testimony